The art of conversation

What is the art of conversation? It is the ability to express a thought or idea and to have the recipient of that proposition understand my fundamental meaning. It is tied to the very intellectual foundation of our civilization. If we cannot communicate effectively, we will always be spiritually and philosophically isolated.

The Age of the Internet, nonetheless, is on a path limiting or eliminating that skill. To overcome this blight, I must stand firm in my conviction that I will learn to effectively converse. I say learn because the art of conversation is a skill set that can be acquired through determination and through practice.

We live in extraordinary times. English has become the “lingua franca” (1) of the world. That said, one’s accent is no longer a limiting factor, with the exception of the British Isles. (2) Whether one speaks American English, Canadian English, Chinese English, or whatever, you will not be restricted. No one cares.

What will limit you, however, is your personal brand, (3) your personal style — your command of the language, your knowledge of world events, and your critical thinking. Do you have flair or élan will be the foremost question in the minds of your colleagues? Are you sophisticated in the world?

How do I begin to educate myself in this area? Everything, I believe, begins at the beginning, and that origination is with me — with the self. I am my own teacher. So, I get my notebook out and I document every single day. I will soon see a pattern arising. I am partnered with my education; together we will now begin to mold me into the person that I want to be.

One of the intrinsic components of my unique self is my command of small talk. Now, small talk is a misnomer, for small talk is actually big talk. It is social positioning. Within a very limited period of time, an urbane individual will be able to determine your social class and your intellectual level.

Once again, it is a tool that can be acquired. (4) Usually any discussion is broken into two areas. If I do not know you, I usually commence with a more formal approach. I initially discuss the weather, sports, and traffic or movement. After I analyze your personality type to see who you are and whether your social determinants (5) are the same as mine, we can proceed to a more informal stance.

To do this, one person usually invites the other to lunch or for a coffee. If the other fellow is not comfortable, he delays the rendezvous to another day and then lets the time slowly die fade away. If there is mutual attraction, notwithstanding, a more informal discussion of family, religion, and politics can occur. Money is usually never discussed. If I have money, why do I need to impress you?

The art of conversation, therefore, is based on a belief in the self, in me. I recognize that the development of a personal brand is a necessity to exist in the modern world. And I further acknowledge that I must develop my command of small talk, all the while expanding my intellectual acumen.

David Hume (6) leaves us with a thought: Among the arts of conversation, no one pleases more than mutual deference or civility, which leads us to resign our own inclinations to those of our companions and to curb and conceal that presumption and arrogance so natural to the human mind.

A closing thought: If I say, “I love you,” everyone will understand. I love you like a teacher, a student, a parent, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, etc. But, if I say, “I hate you,” how do you hate me? Do you not like the way I look, my skin color, my smell? I am confused by this statement. Love, therefore, is universal and hate is isolated and individual. It is only by nurturing the art of conversation that we will break down the solipsistic walls of anger to the ubiquitous foundations of love — and ultimately peace.

To sum up: This week, we spoke about how to learn how to speak to each other.

To be noted: From William Wordsworth (7) — Wisdom is ofttimes nearer when we stoop than when we soar.

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