It is a great dilemma which appears when you are least prepared: am I a body or am I a being? And the corollary: if I am alive, how do I look in the physical world? To me, this became a part of my reality when I was around twelve years old. I had the first “slow dance” of my life with Donna Redding. To this day, I remember everything about the dance: I remember the scent of her perfume, I remember the song — Wichita Lineman by Glen Campbell, and I remember her touch. She was the first girl that I had ever held, other than my mother. Everything seemed to “pop and sparkle.” Something was wrong, or something was right: I wasn’t sure which sensation was correct. I went home and looked in the mirror: for the first time I was a corporeal being – terrifying – now what? Everything seemed to take on surreal overtones. Where should I sit in the hierarchy of bodies? Was I handsome, beautiful, dashing – kind of a Robin Hood like character – or did I end up at the other end – pedestrian, mundane or, worst of all, ordinary? A quick analysis gave me the answer: God was having a bad day when he created me! I recall the wave of revulsion and disgust that overwhelmed me. Why me: why did I have this physique – why me? This feeling of dissatisfaction stayed with me for quite a number of years. It was expunged by the affections of a young woman who told me I was “really good looking.” I realized in that instant that if I could fool one person, I could fool thousands. The attraction I expressed began from within. The other person’s perception was their own, only their own. I was free to be me, whatever that meant.
This week: take your little piece of joy!
We are all busy people. If not, you are either dead or retired: many pundits claim either state mirrors the other. “It’s prompted the claim that we need a fundamental rethink of the way we live and work. Lynda Gratton and Andrew Scott, professors at the London Business School have done just that in a book: The 100 Year Life (ISBN 978 14729 301 70). They argue that if turning 100 becomes normal, then we have to discard our idea of a traditional ‘three-stage life,’ one in which education is followed by work and then retirement. If our working life becomes a seven-decade long affair, then we cannot rely on a single period of education to prepare us for it. Instead, they argue, we will need to constantly retrain and reinvent ourselves to stay ahead of technology and the demand for changing skill sets. It is a daunting proposal, and one that would pile the pressure on all of us to ‘age well’: to stay robust and healthy in order to remain a productive member of the workforce.” (1)
Have you “personally” been shot, stabbed or blown up? It is not reality!
I briefly turned on the radio this morning, but I just couldn’t continue. The blood and gore that was being described and re-described, in prickly detail, was not a good way to start my day. I need birds and flowers, and beautiful mental images. This type of journalistic reporting has, for most people, changed the flavor of their world. It is, however, not natural but contrived. I have never met a terrorist nor have most people. Our environment is filled with warmth and kindness. Why is this not reported? The big media companies that have inculcated the public with this dross for so long believe that “good news” won’t sell.
Continue reading Have you “personally” been shot, stabbed or blown up? It is not reality!
Gratitude: sometimes I should get down and “just kiss the ground.”
I recently read an article on gratitude that really gave me pause: Like all of us, I live a busy life. At times, it seems that all the tasks related to my existence cannot be fulfilled: school, work, family, and friends all press their demands. It is easy to forget that we live in a first-world country that provides personal safety, and spiritual and financial opportunities; I do get blinded by the “daily grind.” The article, Nine Essential Reasons to Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude, (1) gives us reasons to feel the joy of being alive. It posits, “Do you want to live life to the fullest? Then one important thing you should do is cultivate an attitude of gratitude. What this means is that you should choose to view life in a positive way. Things might not happen your way, but you still choose to view them in a positive light. For instance, you speak positive words instead of negative ones.” What I enjoyed about the piece is that it is not naïve. It gives us a way to frame how we see life. “Far from being delusional or faith-based, having a positive outlook in difficult circumstances is not only an important predictor of resilience — how quickly people recover from adversity — but it is ‘the’ most important predictor of it. People who are resilient tend to be more positive and optimistic compared to less-resilient folks; they are better able to regulate their emotions, and they are able to maintain their optimism through the most trying circumstances.” This is what Dr. Dennis Charney, the dean of Mount Sinai School of Medicine, found when he examined approximately 750 Vietnam War veterans who were held as prisoners of war for six to eight years. Tortured and kept in solitary confinement, these 750 men were remarkably resilient. Unlike many fellow veterans, they did not develop depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after their release, even though they endured extreme stress. What was their secret? After extensive interviews and tests, Dr. Charney noted ten characteristics that set them apart. The top one was optimism. The second was altruism. Humor and having a meaning in life — or something to live for — were also important. (2) I think that one of the major ways to feel this optimism is to create a nurturing environment. One example: we leave birdseed on our balcony. Our avian friends arrive at around 5 o’clock each morning; their soft cooing and chirping beckons the newfound day. It is impossible to feel frustrated and angry when your morning begins this way. Their arrival is a bellwether of what is to come: another magnificent day.
Continue reading Gratitude: sometimes I should get down and “just kiss the ground.”
Time is on my side: yes it is. But is it?
Do you ever just get “put off?” I do sometimes. Something sweeps over me — some hidden memory and the like — and there I am: in a state of funk. I remind myself, “It is another day of magnificent consciousness,” and yet I am still angry and I don’t know why? Perhaps it is my age (I’m 61); perhaps it is my sex (I’m a man); but perhaps it is because I know that my life is 100% my responsibility (and at this moment, I don’t want this burden): Ah yes, the answer. I want to delude myself. The way I have wasted my time is someone else’s fault. I don’t accept that responsibility. Today, I want to a Pharaoh of old, served by beautiful nymphs and attended to by obeisant servants: sorry guy, wrong epoch! There is, unfortunately, no excuse; you are on your own. Your time, to sound facile, is your time.
I just wanted to say goodbye.
Our theme of “don’t be a wage slave” (DBAWageslave.com) is predicated on undertaking a deep study of who you are as a human being — that beautiful you! To this end, I have tried to be open about my life journey, neither to instruct nor to lecture, but to give an example of “a life.” I recently had my sixty-first birthday. It was a seminal moment, not because of the time, but due to what occurred during this period. I believe in phases: in my estimation, we have three of them. The first is from when you are born until you turn thirty: you are finishing your formal education, perhaps starting a family and embarking on a career. From thirty-one to sixty, you are developing your profession; hopefully making some money and watching your children grow up and begin their own lives. The third phase, from sixty-one onward, is when – to paraphrase Todd Henry – you learn to die empty. “Passion has its roots in the Latin word pati, which means ‘to suffer or endure.’ Therefore, at the root of passion is suffering. This is a far cry from the way we casually toss around the word in our day-to-day conversations. Instead of asking ‘What would bring me enjoyment?’ which is how many people think about following their passion, we should instead ask ‘What work am I willing to suffer for today?’ Great work requires suffering for something beyond yourself. It’s created when you bend your life around a mission and spend yourself on something you deem worthy of your best effort. What is your worthwhile cause?” (1) At sixty-one, I have come to “truly know that I know nothing” because there is so much to learn — the lake of knowledge being immense and, of course, endless.
I must pay attention to the world.
The other day it rained: the heavens opened. As soon as the tumult ended, this new sound began: wheels grating on asphalt. Back and then far, far in the distance, forth — and then again: back and back and back – and forth. What was this? I left my office chair and proceeded to investigate. Here were two children, a brother and a sister, I suppose, pushing a skateboard around our small block. What struck me as so remarkable was their intensity and fervor. It was as if they were in the Olympic tryouts for push-skateboarding (it is a new sport, you know). I particularly took note of their diligence. There seemed to be no diminution in their efforts: each time, whether brother or sister, they pushed with “all their heart,” all their might. Their game was, and is, a wonderful metaphor for life. “How often,” I asked myself, “do I give it 100%?” whatever that “it” is. The answer is, “not often enough.” The secret has to begin with acknowledging the present. Where am I? I am, obviously, right here: not yesterday, not tomorrow, but right now! In an extremely frenetic life, this is much easier to say than to do. How do I develop that intensity for the moment? How do I occupy that place where I can truly claim – “Always excellence: why not?” The path to develop this habit, I believe, has very humble roots. It begins with a “clover hunt” at least once a month.
Hope or belief: the great dilemma for every being.
I hope I will get home “safe and sound tonight” (given the neuroses of our driving colleagues), but I believe that I will. I often read that there is little difference between these two words in English. “In many contexts, including some religious contexts, faith (hope) is the same as trust (belief). In some religious contexts, hope can be a “comfortable” word of no coherent meaning, it can refer to belief without evidence, for example, but also without any particular social or moral reason; additionally, it can imply an extra phenomenon such as an inducement to action.” (1)
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Have you ever had your “Hood” moment?
Your sensations are overwhelmed; you are totally and completely defeated — you feel adrift: now what to do? All of us can identify with this. An event has just occurred that will change the course of your life. You must “deal with it” and, at the same time, make the right choices! I always look to history for guidance. As the summer approaches, I am pulled back to that momentous event in Western history: World War Two. It was an unfortunate war for the British Empire. Having overspent on the building of grandiose and expensive infrastructure projects and a crippling war, (1) she was ill prepared for more conflict, and thus more cost. But, in September 1939, war began once again and by the summer of 1940, defeat following defeat, she was “on her knees.” Nothing could get worse! Britain, traditionally, has always believed in the Navy as its bulwark against all calamities.
The seven deadly sins: which one have you experienced? (1)
The other day, I stumbled across a video clip of the hot dog eating competition at Nathan’s on Coney Island, New York. (2) Disgusting would be an understatement. Now I am not a conservative when it comes to extreme events. I am as titillated as the next person when I watch someone jump out of an airplane without a parachute and fall into an enormous (Chinese—made) net, and survive. (3) But, the food thing, I just don’t get. As parents, we plead with our children to develop their table manners as quickly as possible. I come from a generation that determined your social class, and therefore your business or matrimonial acceptability, by how you held your knife and fork. What is this sort of nonsense saying to our young people? When upwards of 30% of Americans are obese: (4) what is the possible message: gluttony is cool? This acceptance of the base and obscene is not the correct way, I feel. Why not hold ourselves to a higher standard of taste and quality? We do not have to be pompous and condescending, but surely there is a social level, a litmus test of decency, that must exist, or am I just too extreme and old fashioned? I don’t think so. If we do not want to be wage slaves, we must affect some style, some poise.
Continue reading The seven deadly sins: which one have you experienced? (1)