Friends

Relationships

Personal relationships have never come to me easily. Though in my lifetime, I have been fortunate to develop several close and long-term friendships – extending back some forty-five years. I used to think that this was simply a quirk of my personality. The more you seek — you are not quite sure what — the more doors are flung open. In this context, when you embrace an idea or a thought or the personality of someone else and they accept you, “just for who you are,” you are deeply touched and subsequently, loyal.

Increasingly, however, the Digital Age is removing our access to lengthy, well-developed companionships and replacing them with instant and frivolous contacts.“Digital intimacy ruins the appetite for the real thing. So, when kids are gaming or even when spouses are gaming, they lose their appetite for genuine intimacy. Kids lose their appetite for getting their intimacy needs, their hunger for significance and attachment, with the family, and it erodes the relationship between them and their parents.” (1)

The easiest way we overcome these concerns, I believe, is simply to talk to each other and to practice critical thinking skills. (2) If we bring these types of discussions “to bear,” we will be well on the way to changing the world “one person at a time.” I will give a small example: we live in a violent world, do we not? If I look at my BBC App at 6:30 in the morning, I would have to conclude, “Yes” – with an “Absolutely!” thrown in. You have to question your own reality, however. When have I ever been shot, stabbed or blown up? “Never” would be my riposte. Given this denial, one cannot but conclude that I am still alive and have never been visited by any of these turpitudes.

I have asked hundreds, if not thousands of people, the same question in many, many different countries. I always receive the same answer: “Never! I have never been exposed to the kind of savagery that we read about.” For my own part, the closest I ever came to an actual brutal experience was when a friend of mine told me that her son had been at a venue that was bombed a week later. That was certainly a thankful moment. I conclude from this, given the proviso “life is fickle,” that we mostly live in a non-violent world. Who then benefits from this nonsense? The answer is the Industrial Military Complex, those selling the weapons of death, and business is booming. (3) This must and will be changed, I believe. It is all through education. As Gandhi tells us, “If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children.”

My relationship story: I had the good fortune to study in Paris when I was young. I used to go to a community center to meet other young people, One day; I met the most beautiful girl in the world. She was a kind of mythical being with flowing hair, an exquisite face and the scent of lilacs in the morning. Summoning all my courage, I invited her for coffee. She said “yes.” I was not anticipating this response and my central nervous response system quickly took hold of me. My heart began to race and involuntary ticks and jerks, though subtle, began to emanate from my body. We arrived at the designated café and the café au laits arrived. And yes, you know the result. My jerking and gestating leg touched the table. Fate was on my side. The coffee only spilled “on” the table. This was casually dismissed by my Aphrodite. (4) But no, it was not to be.

My physical being continued to shudder and shake – though discretely. You know the result: the Fates (5) were not kind. I touched the table a second time and its nectar seemingly cascaded onto her white dress – which was resplendent with red roses if I remember to add poignancy to the moment. Needless to say, this was my first and final date. The lesson: who makes you nervous? You do. Who controls your body’s agitation? Once again, you do. This incident, curiously, made me a better public speaker. Life is fun, isn’t it? Actress and model Amisha Patel (b. 1976) leaves us with a thought: Life is all about evolution. What looks like a mistake to others has been a milestone in my life. Even if people have betrayed me, even if my heart was broken, even if people misunderstood or judged me, I have learned from these incidents. We are human and we make mistakes, but learning from them is what makes the difference.

A closing thought: Age is a wonderful teacher. The things that seemed so important in the “ether of the past” now seem small and insignificant. This is most certainly the way it should be. The Millennials will learn over time that age is to be treasured as a true gift for, in theory, it contains the fountainhead of wisdom and an understanding of the universe and your place in it.

To sum up: This week, we spoke about relationships and how they form a complex link with our society.

A philosophical question: Why did the chicken cross the road? If you don’t know, we will tell you next week.

Just for fun: Thunderstruck

This week, please remark and ponder on your own long-lasting relationships.

Every day look for something magical and beautiful.

Quote: The realization that we are all truly the same requires a lifetime to comprehend.

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