What is a broken heart? It comes in many genres and styles. All indicate a situation that is totally unexpected, irrevocable, and irredeemable. Perhaps it’s a philosophical broken heart, a financial broken heart, an educational broken heart, or, of course, the one we often think of, the broken heart relative to love. One of my students recently failed a major university exam. Unfortunately, this had life-altering consequences, and she was totally distraught, to say the least. Many were quick to offer counsel and support.
The reality is, you cannot heal a broken heart. It is much like a broken leg. You can put the cast on it, and the wound will heal, but the experience remains with you. Here, it is essential for proper recovery that you actually accept what happened. I did fail this test. I did invest in this stock and lost all my money. I did have some falling out with my mother and father. I did lose the love of my life, for whatever reason, and he or she is not coming back. Thus, I’ve described the wound. Grief is an emotion that I give myself because no one else can give me such anguish. And by giving it to myself, I can also learn how to control it.
One controls it by being philosophical, learning to take those walks in the mountains, uncovering the power of the self through introspective conversations and accepting what is. The present is the only reality that truly occupies our time. Many pundits claim the future is anxious, and the past is filled with sorrow. Thus, there is only the now. This experience has given my life a perspective that many will never have. Now I must rebuild. I begin by committing one small act of kindness. This allows me to build away from this cataclysmic event, whatever it has been. The trauma has afforded me a clear choice. I can either go forward and create anew or succumb to the forces in nature that seek a decline.
If you are incapable of putting a cast on your despair, you will never move forward. This is the only way you will recover your dignity. Many examples exist to strengthen our resolve. The Stoics (1) say we must do five things every day: When we awaken in the morning, we must express gratitude for being alive. You’ve been given another day. Then, immediately realize that the past has been put to sleep; it’s over. That’s why we make our bed. Realize that your thoughts are solely your own and you can purify them. Assist yourself by taking a cold shower. Commit that act of kindness that we talked about earlier. And finally, realize that this moment in time is all that is truly real; it is all we have. This will not stop the pain and agony, but we will see the light returning and can return to our mission. The broken heart has been put in its historical context, and we move on. Shakespeare (2) leaves us with a thought: To weep is to make less the depth of grief. (Segments of this essay were first published in 2019)
A closing thought: The concept of a broken heart is fully adumbrated in a novel by Boris Pasternack’s. (3) The roman à clef’s principal character, Dr. Zhivago, is a moral and sensitive man. He overcomes childhood adversity and marries a beautiful girl. Then, the Russian Empire collapses, civil war erupts, and his whole world convulses. His family, his wife, father-in-law, and two children are deported, eventually residing in Paris. His lover, Laura, disappears, and he never speaks with her again. He dies alone while riding a tram in Moscow. Laura attends his funeral and is then arrested and dies in a labor camp. These circumstances appear to be one enormous series of broken hearts. But the book leaves you with a sense of the renewal of life and a spiritual continuity. Whatever the uncontrolled tragedies, life will go on.
Ultimately, a broken heart does not disappear. Like a healed fracture, it remains part of us. But it can make us stronger, more perceptive, and, ultimately, more compassionate and modest.
To sum up: This week, we spoke about overcoming a broken heart.
To be noted: From Lord Byron — And thus the heart will break, but brokenly live on. Even as a broken mirror, which the glass, in every fragment multiplies; and makes a thousand images of one that was. (4)
Just for fun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EHAo6rEuas&list=RDSgXSomPE_FY&index=3
For reflection: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5RCmu-HuTg
This week, on your introspective walk, please reflect on how you must learn to control your emotions.
Every day, look for something magical and beautiful.
Don’t be a wage slave – critical thinking is great!
Quote: You learn from a broken heart.
Footnotes:
1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9OCA6UFE-0&t=36s
2) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUHEPo_g0AQ
3) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcth3ccFHh0&list=RDtcth3ccFHh0&start_radio=1