Everyone has had similar experiences, I am sure. We are almost late, but not quite, and then, a shoelace broken, a paper lost, or a coffee split — frustration! It threatens to quickly color the day. How does one overcome the pain and angst that threatens to flood in? Many times we don’t and the day goes from bad to worse.
I often wonder if I caught that negative moment at the beginning of my morning would the rest of the day have gone differently? Many studies suggest that the way we respond to an event can have a strong determination for what the future may hold. (1) It is all about perception and how we view the world. That said, how does one change this thinking when the circumstances have had such dire consequences?
It is naive and unfair to simply state that we should just let it go and put on a brave face! How can I do this when my blood pressure is up and my anxiety is threatening to explode over myself and everyone around me?
In a very practical sense, I must ask do I believe that I can control my emotions. Now, I speak to this with some experience. The answer is, yes. It is very hard to do, but it can be achieved. Firstly, I must believe there are two of me if you will. There is the physical me, the person who exists in the world, who gets up at the crack of dawn, performs his ablutions, and gets ready for the day. Then, there is the interior me, the entity that posits and reflects.
Regardless of whether I am a true dualist (2) or not, it is most assuredly true that I control how I see events, for the most part. Though unexplained and horrible things do occur and I may be incapable of stopping a simple occurrence, a random act of violence, or an awful disaster, I do control how I react to the event.
Thus the frustration I feel, many times at just being alive and faced with so many choices, can be placed in its proper order. At the top are the peace and eventual happiness that exists in virtually everyone’s life even when the incidents are not favorable. Frustration can be managed and overcome through reflection, prayer, and meditation. The great scholar, Viktor Frankl, (3) leaves us with a thought: Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
A closing thought: I have seen people literally detonate over an event. I recently came upon a minor traffic accident. One car was old and inexpensive; the other new and luxurious. The owner of the more elegant vehicle was berating the proprietor of the more humble mode of transportation. He was positively beside himself, red in the face, and on the verge of apoplexy. Why? It seems illogical to collapse over a car — no matter how fantastic. It is after all just a commodity, something I will not be able to take with me on my journey when I leave this plane. For me, it was a study of why not to get upset.
To sum up: This week we spoke about frustration and how it can be managed and overcome.
To be noted: From a Russian proverb — The riches that are in the heart cannot be stolen.
Just for fun:
Gustav Mahler: Symphony No. 2 “Resurrection” (Lucerne Festival Orchestra, Claudio Abbado)
For reflection:
This week, on your reflective walk, please ponder on how you deal with frustration.
Every day look for something magical and beautiful.
Don’t be a wage slave – critical thinking is great!
Quote: We all deserve to open the door to happiness in our life.
Footnotes:
1) Positive thinking: Stop negative self-talk to reduce stress