Most parents are exceptionally good at telling their children how special they are — how very unique! Then comes the “kicker”: “You can be anything you want to be.” This lasts until we are around 16 years old and then, suddenly, we realize this is a total fabrication: a lie. We can’t be anything we want to be, or do anything we want to do, because … and you fill in the dots. We have been given a false view of what life is, and the constraints placed on that life.
The Existentialists call these facts “our givens,” characteristics that we must accept as essential to our being: I am almost 69, I do have two children, I am white, etc. These are things that I cannot change. Taking these factors into consideration and truly accepting them allows me to begin my journey of self-discovery. I am then free to be me. It is to be noted that at a youthful age, there is no me, no mature self. There are just snippets of likes, dislikes, and wants. It is those tiny pieces of personality that are the keys to your future.
Much like you need dry kindling (1) to ignite a massive fire, so you need a plethora of thoughts and emotions to create that fabulous you. The great disappointment of many visionaries like Sir Ken Robinson (2) or Alfie Kohn in modern education is that the instructor is not allowed enough leeway to nurture you in the direction of your interest. “If we want students to act responsibly, we have to give them responsibilities. We have to provide them with a classroom where they are encouraged and helped to make decisions. If students are unable to weigh the arguments carefully, anticipate long-term consequences, or take others’ needs into account, that may mean they need help figuring out how to do these things.
They may have little experience making meaningful choices. Indeed, the same paradox appears: many of the teachers and parents who grumble that kids ‘just don’t take responsibility’ spend their days ordering kids around — as though children could learn how to make good decisions by following directions. But once again, the question is not just whether we have taught children a list of relevant skills, but whether we have worked with them to create an environment where their needs and preferences matter, where their voices are heard and valued.” (3)
I would like to proffer another reason why individuals fail to achieve their greatness: they don’t really want to. Sadly, “talk is cheap.” This old chestnut continues to plague us. Really wanting to succeed at a goal, to realize a vision, requires the sacrifice of a little piece of you. There are people who will simply not put in the work required. Often, they have never been taught how to work; they have learned that you can quite easily function in the world by doing a “good-enough job.” History is filled with the narratives of those who never gave up, or died trying: Robert Scott died while trying to be the first to reach the South Pole. (4) His is an interesting study in blind determination and bravery. We need our heroes to guide us forward, especially ones that are not focused on money and fame. Therefore, the only person holding you back is you. Never, ever, ever, ever give up on you. (Parts of this essay were first published in 2016)
The motivator, public speaker, and philosopher, Robin Sharma (b. 1965), leaves us with a thought: The starting point of discovering who you are, your gifts, your talents, your dreams, is being comfortable with yourself. Spend time alone. Write in a journal. Take long walks in the woods.
A closing thought: If you truly believe that “given your givens” all is possible, you are free to develop the beautiful you. Aristotle reminds us that life is a journey, not an arrival. From my mother: Good fortune comes to those who make the journey! Remember to begin!
To sum up: This week, we spoke about putting in the effort to develop your true potential.
A small joke: Mrs. Jones had a friend who was having a birthday. He was an avid collector of modern art so she thought that she would buy him a small painting to add to his collection. She went into a local art gallery to purchase a painting. The prices were just stunning — very expensive! Finally, she saw a small painting that didn’t have a price sticker on it. In great anticipation, she inquired as to the cost. Totally flummoxed, the clerk studied her for what seemed like an eternity and finally replied: “Madame,” said the clerk, “that’s a light switch!”
Just for fun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaaOns3UaQs&t=332s&ab_channel=BrilliantClassics
For reflection: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KcdgFxmnb4&ab_channel=TheNationalGallery
This week, please remember to steel yourself for the journey ahead.
Every day, look for something magical and beautiful.
Don’t be a wage slave – critical thinking is great!
Quote: If I refuse to achieve (or attempt to achieve) my potential as a unique human being, I will eventually experience a great moral loss: the absence of the real me!
Footnotes:
1) Kindling refers to small pieces of wood or bark used to start a fire.