I always ask a new class what their major goal in life is. Invariable two answers dominate: I want to be rich and I want to be happy. The former is great fun because everyone wants to be rich. Few, however, are aware of the price: time – time for your personal development; time with your children and time to build a relationship with your spouse. “There is … an emotional vulnerability in parents of wealth that arises from the prioritizing of material success over interpersonal relationships and the absence of supportive community networks and services. Just to choose one example, gated communities can also be prisons, cutting people off from the sense of place and community that may be found elsewhere. Research has focused on the kinds of dysfunctional behavior that arise from emotional deprivation. While in no way underestimating the challenges of poverty, Mother Teresa (states): ‘The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for food.’” (1)
The latter, happiness, is a much more realizable goal because each of us innately possesses it: happiness resides within. Our task is simply (or not so simply) to uncover it, to expose it. I am always very curious about the concept of happiness. It is so very subjective, isn’t it? My joy need not necessarily be yours. What are the central tenets that bind us all to this concept? Certainly, at a minimum, there are three core beliefs that all happiness necessitates. Firstly, we must be active and pro-active. Happy people have a goal and seek to fulfill it. It is never far from their consciousness. Striving for excellence makes a person happier. “If happiness is activity in accordance with excellence, it is reasonable that it should be in accordance with the highest excellence; and this will be that of the best thing in us.” (2) Secondly, we are obligated to accept the reality of what occurs. If we do our very best and have honestly done so, we must accept the result. I write an exam for an Ivy League (3) university but don’t receive a high enough score to be accepted: disappointed yes, of course – broken? Never! “The fight” will be resumed another day. This lends itself to slogans such as, “Never give up,” etc. The author of Tuesdays with Morrie (4) notes that he was an unhappy man when he began to interview Dr. Swartz. Upon writing the book, he discovers a whole new career: writer. He is thus, once again, happy. “Take notice that all events turn out justly, and that if you observe nicely, you will not only perceive a connection between causes and effects, but a sovereign distribution of justice, which presides in the administration, and gives everything its due. Observe, then, as you have begun, and let all your actions answer the character of a good man – I mean a good man in the strictness and notion of philosophy.” (5) The third essential element is hope. If you are in the most dire of circumstances — ill health or prison — and yet you retain your hope, all will be ameliorated. Hope produces a happy person. I do not mean an emotionally elated person, but a person who believes that the outcome will improve and a state of happiness will be achieved. “Don’t aim at success — the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long run — in the long run, I say — success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it.” (6)
All actions of self-improvement require effort — thoughtful introspection to attain inner maturity. Former American president Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933) leaves us with a thought: Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. It may not be difficult to store up in the mind a vast quantity of facts within a comparatively short time, but the ability to form judgments requires the severe discipline of hard work and the tempering heat of experience and maturity.
A closing thought: John Stuart Mill (1806-1873) asks us the question (to paraphrase), “Who is happier: Socrates unhappy or a pig in mud?” The answer is Socrates because he understands what happiness is. The Stoics (7), such as Marcus Aurelius (121-180), teach us self-control and fortitude, strength. Thus, the drive to discover my place in the universe is based on effort and thoughtfulness. Nothing can be nor will be accomplished without toil, spiritual and intellectual travail. The cell phone is, therefore, a dangerous diversion in our desire for growth: all users beware!
To sum up: This week we spoke about happiness. We possess four human qualities: we are naturally peaceful, we exist in a state of innate curiosity, we are “loving beings” and we are intrinsically happy. Our task is to reveal what truly exists in all people, whether they exhibit these qualities or not.
A sardonic encounter: Government bureaucracy is great fun: I once had the experience of phoning a government office and was told to “Press one” for English, “Press two” for … etc. This lent itself to “Press nine” for some nonsensical department. Finally: if you have any further questions “Press one.”
Just for fun — One Republic
This week, please begin the quest to uncover your own happiness.
Every day look for something magical and beautiful.
Quote: The grandeur of life cannot be suppressed by its daily mediocrities.
Footnotes:
1) The Hidden Cost of Being Wealthy
2) Nicomachean Ethics: Aristotle
3) The History Of The Ivy League
5) Meditations, Book IV: Marcus Aurelius
6) Man’s Search for Meaning: Wiktor Frankl