This is a topic that is fraught with undue amounts of pain and frustration. When we gain consciousness at 20 or so, we realize, fundamentally, that we are alone. — at least all thoughtful people do. Life then becomes an attempt to bridge the distance between other beings in our society and meet people who are like me
— who understand what I’m about. This is most certainly an arduous journey. At its most simple, friendship is something that must be earned. It cannot be simply acquired like a piece of clothing or a new pair of shoes.
Aristotle breaks friendship down into three areas (1): The most basic could be called business friendship, Friendships of Utility. These are relationships that have a mutual benefit. Perhaps you have a favorite client or supplier that you enjoy having lunch with. They are nice, but you have no emotional attachment to them. If you need to make a business decision and stop contact with them, you will.
Then there are the friends that you meet once or twice a week. You can have a coffee or drink together — or go to a concert or to the movies. Developing further closeness is limited potentially by age or ambition, or yet by social class. The Philosopher (2) calls these Friendships of Pleasure.
The final friendship possesses a deep spiritual and emotional connection. This is the so-called Friendship of the Good. Virtue-based friendships are built on mutual respect and admiration for each other’s work, for example, and a commitment to moral excellence. If we are fortunate, here is where my soul mate (3) resides — the love of my life.
On a non-sexual level, this encapsulates the “mate” that is understood in the Australian environment or the “good buddy” that we often talk about in North America. In life, we achieve very, very few of these friendships, and, as we grow in years, we often fail to replace them because of age or time, or circumstance.
The result, most telling of all, unfortunately, is that a disproportionate amount of older people live alone. (4) Many of these individuals are in a state of deep psychological suffering and loneliness. The seniors’ night out organized by the local church or community center is simply not enough. Here is also where we find the dog or cat to assist in one’s isolation. The true solution to this neurosis is to recognize that the relationship with your best friend must begin with yourself. This then extends to God, Gaia, or the Universe and ultimately to other people. All other friendships, intimate and otherwise, are thus bonuses on the turbulent path of life.
The great humanitarian Dr. Albert Schweitzer (5) leaves us with a thought: In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
A closing thought: In the Internet Age, we are bombarded with imagery. It is important, I feel, to protect oneself from the onslaught of nonsense that threatens to overwhelm and nauseate us. This can only be done through prayer, meditation, and introspection. This strengthens your relationship with God, as you see him, and shields all human beings from the many vicissitudes of life.
To sum up: This week, we spoke about friendship.
To be noted: From Helen Keller (6) — Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
Just for fun:
For reflection:
This week, on your wonderful walk, please ponder what friendship means to you.
Every day look for something magical and beautiful.
Don’t be a wage slave – critical thinking is great!
Quote: Live your life in a state of wonder and imagination.
Footnotes:
2) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aristotle
Aristotle was revered among medieval Muslim scholars as “The First Teacher,” and among medieval Christians like Thomas Aquinas as simply “The Philosopher,” while the poet Dante called him “the master of those who know.”
3) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soulmate
4) A new start after 60: ‘Alone for the first time in my life, I learned how to be happy’
5) Biographical
6) The Full Story of Helen Keller | The History You Didn’t Learn | TIME