What is success? This is a question that permeates our contemporary world. We would fool ourselves, in spite of this, if we believed it to be a modern construct. The idea has been with us since time immemorial. More often than not, it has been associated with material acquisitions and physical accomplishments — ignoring or denigrating ethereal or spiritual matters — think of the Roman Empire. (1) What is increasingly true is that the fetters of affluence have now superseded all historical examples.
Warmth and tenderness
We all need warmth and tenderness. It is the lotion that oils our emotional joints and makes us more psychologically supple and sensitive to the vagaries of life. How many times do we wonder whether those broken souls who reside in the hidden creases of buildings or lying prostrate in an underground pedestrian tunnel are simply devoid of love? There have been numerous studies of orphaned children in large hospital-like institutions. (1) The infants in these investigations were cleaned, clothed, and nutritiously fed. In a plethora of circumstances, there were many youngsters and only a small number of staff. A large percentage of the newborns often died. Why — what was the main reason? Conventional thinking seemed to defy an answer. It was subsequently found that the children had died due to a lack of touch – a dearth of physical tenderness. Our touch seemingly emanates from something as simple as a greeting.
Eccentrics
I love eccentrics! They are the plashes of paint on an expressionist (1) canvas, disseminating our gaze to the whole tableau – its intricate design, its meaning, its aftertaste. Without their unique personalities, our society would, most certainly, be spiritually poorer and bereft of those questions of life and love. They seem to ask, “Who am I and why am I here?”
Continue reading Eccentrics
Joy
When was the last time you had a great day — experienced some joy? It was a long time ago, wasn’t it? Why you may ask. The reason is that a deathly pallor of pain has come to be considered the normal human experience, life is suffering, isn’t it? We only have to follow the daily news reports to believe this to be true. But wait: what if I changed this paradigm? What if I described reality as a crusade – a voyage of the self to fulfillment and, ultimately, the beckoning nirvana? Then the events of the journey, both bad and good, would be accepted wouldn’t they because they would further the goals of the odyssey. My suggestion is that we adopt the latter scenario not the former.
Continue reading JoyNature and man
When I was a little boy, my family lived in a small village that was nestled in the center of nature. You had a feeling, much like the story of Paul Bunyan, (1) that you were in direct competition with nature and, to my youthful eyes, nature was winning. The forests were filled with truly colossal trees that stretched endlessly far, far into the horizon. My father had a most interesting position in which he audited the “wood supply” in our region, as well as managing a large number of men that did the initial transporting of the trees to various factories on Vancouver Island and on the mainland of British Columbia. This often entailed getting into a small four-passenger floatplane, (2) sailing forth to explore nature, and, ostensibly, estimating the value of the timber. One memorable time was when, on route to a camp, we flew through a violent rainstorm which literally tossed and buffeted our little airplane as if it were a toy. The expression “My heart was in my mouth,” does not do justice to this feeling of absolutely naked terror. After this indelible impression, we landed beside a large floating camp.
Continue reading Nature and man
Rest and reflect
Today the streets are silent. It is yet another holiday. It is fascinating how much we desire this institutionalized concept of rest. Traditionally, of course, most of us lived in the countryside and were governed by the seasons and the weather. (1) I often wonder if this interruption, in the normal rhythm of life, has not produced more damage than good. Yes, we can work longer hours in the wintertime when light is less brilliant, and we appear to be more productive, but are we? I just can’t get over the apparent pervasiveness of “feigned” busyness.
Continue reading Rest and reflect
Don’t take yourself too seriously!
Don’t take yourself too seriously – this is good advice. You just need to have a good laugh. Recently on my way to church, — a relatively short distance – I saw three “fender benders,” three relatively minor traffic accidents: the value of the vehicles seeming to increase the ardor and animation of the participants – the more expensive, the angrier! It was a day of rest. What’s the hurry – where were these people going? Nowhere special is probably the answer. Why the rush? I think that for many the answer extends no further than our fingertips – to the cell phone. Its onslaught is like an informational tidal wave. We receive 100,000 bits of data every single day according to some reports. (1) Most of it of absolutely no importance to my life. Last week the major news flashes were a celebrity divorce and an enormous power outage in America. Who cares – do you? But it does increase our collective level of angst and disquietude. This is certainly reflected in the speed of our driving, isn’t it – including my own.
Continue reading Don’t take yourself too seriously!
Family adventures
We all love fire. It brings us warmth and plies us with that calming sense of having beaten nature and the elements. In our family home, we had two wood stoves and a fireplace. In the cold Canadian winter, they gave our family a sense of security and peace. One of my many mandated house-based tasks was to fill up the wood box; it always emanated that inviting sensuous–like smell of fir or cedar. This forms a wonderful memory.
Continue reading Family adventures
Loneliness: the human condition
She sat beside me. She could be my lost sister, my estranged friend, a total stranger – a host of many people. But what set her apart was that she was alone. You know how it is. As individuals, we can perceive the loners – those who are truly isolated and have no one. Recognition is firstly in how they sit: their backs are not erect and powerful. In a restaurant, they are ever so slightly hunched and bent over, as if protecting their food and eating space. Secondly, there is a tragic sense of despondency in their eyes. It is the veteran’s “one-thousand-yard stare,” (1) tinged with the wince and pain of a broken marriage here and a failed love affair there. What is most telling, however, is the spiritual air that surrounds them. They are in a perpetual state of purgatory (2) begging for God’s grace to release them – but, it never comes. The Creator is not forgiving for an unrequited life.
It is hard to identify with this feeling, isn’t it? But, we must! It makes us empathetic and a little more human. A personal experience: the other morning I felt truly alone. You know the kind of gut-wrenching solitude I mean. You feel a sense of nausea and distress in the pit of your stomach – close to the back of your spine. It threatens to color your day with a dark poison. My friend is a Buddhist and he tells me that life is suffering. (3) At this moment, I have to agree. How can I possibly go on with this life? What further pain and suffering awaits? We live in a society, we are told, that is more alone than ever, paradoxically. (4) This is in spite of the fact that we are the most connected. As an individual, I am asked what to do? This sensation is too painful to be allowed to continue. And it doesn’t have to.
But then a question arises, “Who makes me feel such pain?” The ignorant and unsophisticated will quickly claim that it is an eternal situation — something grave and horrific has colored my life and pushed me into this black mood. Now, here it is important to draw a distinction between mental illness and self-induced sadness. Most of us are not clinically depressed and suicidal. (5) We are just alive with free will (6) and subject to the vagaries of life – its beatific nature and its suffering.
To deal with the ephemeral nature of life, it is essential, I believe, to adopt a certain attitude to living. I must accept and acknowledge that I am alone, I was born alone and I will die alone. I cannot have real, intimate contact with another human being for they can never “jump inside my mind” and perceive the world exactly as I do. Next, I am compelled to believe in an eternal and all-seeing power — something that gives me real connectivity — the Thou, (7) an omniscient God, the infinite Gaia, an expanding Universe — any form that I understand to entail a presence greater than me. Finally, I accept that I, potentially, control my actuality and my perception of it.
This is extremely positive because I am therefore fully at liberty to command my authority over reality. I can then disconnect my being from the negativity of a situation – or not, I am also allowed to wallow in my own misery. But, I must do this consciously. Sometimes I allow myself an unpleasant day. It is healthy, I believe. It gives me a benchmark from which to experience pure joy on another. By acknowledging my inner power, I can fully discern what it is to be truly conscious of the beauty of life. I am, therefore never honestly alone. I can always have some form of peace and closeness. Martin Luther King Jr. (8) leaves us with a thought: Use me, God. Show me how to take who I am, who I want to be, and what I can do, and use it for a purpose greater than myself.
A closing thought: I maintain, barring the caveats that I mentioned above, that I am responsible for me. Life is, of course, fickle and my initial givens (9) are not the same as yours. That said, it is up to me, figuratively, to be captain of my own ship and pilot it on my own life mission – my personal grand adventure. This belief serves us well, I maintain, when we face the many travails of life.
To sum up: This week we spoke about strategies to overcome and manage loneliness.
To be noted: from Jim Rohn (10) — We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.
Just for fun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_80BO3YZpck&ab_chann
For reflection: What SUCCESS means to you??
This week on your essential walk, please ponder your own approach to solitude and loneliness.
Every day look for something magical and beautiful.
Quote: The realization that I have jurisdiction over my life is true freedom – the freedom to be me.
Footnotes:
1) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thousand-yard_stare
2) https://www.dictionary.com/browse/purgatory
3) https://tricycle.org/beginners/buddhism/what-did-the-buddha-mean-by-suffering/
4) https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/loneliness-epidemic-more-connected-ever-feeling-more-alone-10143206.html
5) https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/apr/19/depression-awareness-mental-illness-feel-like
6) https://www.britannica.com/topic/free-will
7) https://www.sparknotes.com/philosophy/iandthou/summary/
8) Martin Luther King, Jr. – Minister & Civil Rights Activist | Biography
9) David Richo’s Five Givens of Life
10) CONSISTENT SELF DISCIPLINE – Jim Rohn | Powerful Motivational Speech jim rohn motivation
Trust: the tale of six forks
We live in a society that seemingly trusts less and less. (1) The Good Samaritan (2) who is shocked by a heart-wrenching story, only to find later that the episode was cleverly concocted just to elicit funds, has made the public increasingly feel gullible and naïve. (3) Societal reaction has been one of deep cynicism in regards to human goodness. I too, most disappointingly, was recently influenced by similar thoughts.
Continue reading Trust: the tale of six forks