She sat beside me. She could be my lost sister, my estranged friend, a total stranger – a host of many people. But what set her apart was that she was alone. You know how it is. As individuals, we can perceive the loners – those who are truly isolated and have no one. Recognition is firstly in how they sit: their backs are not erect and powerful. In a restaurant, they are ever so slightly hunched and bent over, as if protecting their food and eating space. Secondly, there is a tragic sense of despondency in their eyes. It is the veteran’s “one-thousand-yard stare,” (1) tinged with the wince and pain of a broken marriage here and a failed love affair there. What is most telling, however, is the spiritual air that surrounds them. They are in a perpetual state of purgatory (2) begging for God’s grace to release them – but, it never comes. The Creator is not forgiving for an unrequited life.
It is hard to identify with this feeling, isn’t it? But, we must! It makes us empathetic and a little more human. A personal experience: the other morning I felt truly alone. You know the kind of gut-wrenching solitude I mean. You feel a sense of nausea and distress in the pit of your stomach – close to the back of your spine. It threatens to color your day with a dark poison. My friend is a Buddhist and he tells me that life is suffering. (3) At this moment, I have to agree. How can I possibly go on with this life? What further pain and suffering awaits? We live in a society, we are told, that is more alone than ever, paradoxically. (4) This is in spite of the fact that we are the most connected. As an individual, I am asked what to do? This sensation is too painful to be allowed to continue. And it doesn’t have to.
But then a question arises, “Who makes me feel such pain?” The ignorant and unsophisticated will quickly claim that it is an eternal situation — something grave and horrific has colored my life and pushed me into this black mood. Now, here it is important to draw a distinction between mental illness and self-induced sadness. Most of us are not clinically depressed and suicidal. (5) We are just alive with free will (6) and subject to the vagaries of life – its beatific nature and its suffering.
To deal with the ephemeral nature of life, it is essential, I believe, to adopt a certain attitude to living. I must accept and acknowledge that I am alone, I was born alone and I will die alone. I cannot have real, intimate contact with another human being for they can never “jump inside my mind” and perceive the world exactly as I do. Next, I am compelled to believe in an eternal and all-seeing power — something that gives me real connectivity — the Thou, (7) an omniscient God, the infinite Gaia, an expanding Universe — any form that I understand to entail a presence greater than me. Finally, I accept that I, potentially, control my actuality and my perception of it.
This is extremely positive because I am therefore fully at liberty to command my authority over reality. I can then disconnect my being from the negativity of a situation – or not, I am also allowed to wallow in my own misery. But, I must do this consciously. Sometimes I allow myself an unpleasant day. It is healthy, I believe. It gives me a benchmark from which to experience pure joy on another. By acknowledging my inner power, I can fully discern what it is to be truly conscious of the beauty of life. I am, therefore never honestly alone. I can always have some form of peace and closeness. Martin Luther King Jr. (8) leaves us with a thought: Use me, God. Show me how to take who I am, who I want to be, and what I can do, and use it for a purpose greater than myself.
A closing thought: I maintain, barring the caveats that I mentioned above, that I am responsible for me. Life is, of course, fickle and my initial givens (9) are not the same as yours. That said, it is up to me, figuratively, to be captain of my own ship and pilot it on my own life mission – my personal grand adventure. This belief serves us well, I maintain, when we face the many travails of life.
To sum up: This week we spoke about strategies to overcome and manage loneliness.
To be noted: from Jim Rohn (10) — We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.
Just for fun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_80BO3YZpck&ab_chann
For reflection: What SUCCESS means to you??
This week on your essential walk, please ponder your own approach to solitude and loneliness.
Every day look for something magical and beautiful.
Quote: The realization that I have jurisdiction over my life is true freedom – the freedom to be me.
Footnotes:
1) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thousand-yard_stare
2) https://www.dictionary.com/browse/purgatory
3) https://tricycle.org/beginners/buddhism/what-did-the-buddha-mean-by-suffering/
4) https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/loneliness-epidemic-more-connected-ever-feeling-more-alone-10143206.html
5) https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/apr/19/depression-awareness-mental-illness-feel-like
6) https://www.britannica.com/topic/free-will
7) https://www.sparknotes.com/philosophy/iandthou/summary/
8) Martin Luther King, Jr. – Minister & Civil Rights Activist | Biography
9) David Richo’s Five Givens of Life
10) CONSISTENT SELF DISCIPLINE – Jim Rohn | Powerful Motivational Speech jim rohn motivation
