Entering into fatherhood is like becoming the leader of any organization, big or small: it exposes the individual to a surfeit of problems and complications. You are immediately thrust into a world that you undoubtedly have no experience with and, even the most scholastically knowledgeable and well read, will have to question how they got here. In my personal experience, you are quickly deposited into a world of stress and chaos. All your romantic views of cute little babies evaporate into a wailing and squalling mess of emotional upheaval. The cuddly is replaced with stench and physical work. If you are a “modern father,” as most are, you soon find yourself in the “thick of it”: you join in the cleaning (oh, the endless cleaning) and the feeding – this occurs at bizarrely odd hours of the night. Your sluggishness the next day in the office is not believed, and even if accepted as having some veracity, is not understood. “Why would you place yourself in that set of circumstances?” is whispered by your nemesis. We are thus faced with a question of leadership. How am I going to lead my little unit to success and fulfillment? In my case, my lack of awareness in child rearing forced me to fall back on what I knew. I was an advertising salesman: a good one. So, I knew people and how they responded to positive and negative stimuli. I therefore decided that I would treat my children as if they were little adults, as opposed to children. We were fortunate to have a large home with many beautiful things. Many members of our intimate circle, family and friends, advised us to put everything away. I decided that we would not do this: it was the right choice, though some collected bric-a-brac were broken, most survived to this day. One of the greatest things that my children taught me was that “I understood nothing – truly.” Now I thought that I was aware, but was soon absolved of this belief. I did not easily accept my ignorance and fought to retain my psychological presence. When I finally let go, I began to learn and experience. Then I came to the seminal question of my life: “What is love?” Lao Tzu (2) responds: “Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.”
 

So then, what is leadership? “Leadership is a process of social influence, which maximizes the efforts of others, towards the achievement of a goal. Key elements of this definition: leadership stems from social influence, not authority or power; leadership requires others, and that implies they don’t need to be direct reports; no mention of personality traits, attributes, or even a title; there are many styles, many paths, to effective leadership; it includes a goal — not an influence, with no intended outcome.” (1) These are but a few descriptions written by Kevin Kruse in Forbes Magazine. At its most succinct, however, leadership has to embody a visceral identification between the leader and the led. It defies a rational understanding: It is also a form of love. The Greek god Zeus, for one, was a great leader. He leaves us with a thought: You may not want to be a god, Perseus, but after feats like yours, men will worship you. Be good to them. Be better than we were. And if you insist on continuing this mundane human existence, I won’t have you do it alone. You’re the son of Zeus, after all! (3)

 

A closing thought: We should feel disgust and revulsion at the bloody and irrational events of the last few months. However, the world is a better place today than it has ever been. A little history: when the Mongols sacked Kiev in 1240, they killed 50,000 people and left their bodies to rot as a warning to other cities of the consequences of not submitting to Mongol rule.     

 

A small joke: Mr., Smith was making errors at work, and being increasingly forgetful. His wife insisted that he see a doctor: this he eventually did, but rather half heartedly. The psychiatrist listened to him for about an hour and then said, “Mr. Smith, you are actually two people. You need to spend several weeks in our hospital and them I will evaluate you again. The fee for today’s consultation is $200.00” The man handed the doctor a $100.00 note. The physician looked at him incredulously. Mr. Smith quickly responded, “Well, you do not think that I am going to pay for the other man too. Do you?”    

 

This week, please ponder your own leadership skills.

 

Every day look for something magical and beautiful.

 

Quote: All of us must nurture our skills of command and leadership. In this modern world, we cannot be just like sheep led to slaughter. We must think critically about what we hear and what we are accepting as fact.

 

Footnotes:

1) What Is Leadership?

2) Laozi

3) Clash of Titans (2010)