我們的社會充斥著各式各樣不斷被倡議的『愛』。然而這一概念，卻被極度情欲化了：飄渺純愛的概念【宗教或宮廷愛情】不再，輕而易舉地就被情慾之愛融合默化了。我們的生活充斥著行銷聖手們所炒作操弄，一個世紀以前尚不存在的概念。態度謙遜和舉止合宜的標準，而今被認為是『荒謬的』和『老派的』。我的學生中有很多年輕女性，我的總體印象是今天的他們，比我母親那一代更重視(自己的)生活。
對活在19世紀和20世紀的女性來說，生活是相當簡單明確的。找個門當戶對的好男人，組建家庭，共創未來。(為了服務家庭，)她們隱藏自己的個性特質，直到進入『空巢期』，但卻很少試圖抱怨。不過我相信，她們當中有很多人心智上其實飽受折磨，等待著有一天能從無止盡的烹飪和清潔工作中獲得解放。至於年輕一代的年輕女性,儘管活在現代，卻已被放置在一個不令人羡慕的位置，成為一個『五斗米族』；與此同時，她還必須以色相誘人，吸引另一個『五斗米族』夥伴，共同加入虛勞的生活。越來越多的『五斗米族』想要一個不同的生活，一個更自由的生活，一個更有意義的生活。他們想要一個『真正的』兩性關係。引用馬丁‧布伯的話：「只有時間能證明這是否可以實現。」我相信約翰‧藍儂已經恰當地描述了這個時代年輕女性的欲望：
愛即真，真即愛
愛所感，感所愛
愛同樣期待被愛
愛所撫，撫即愛
愛趨我，趨我愛
愛要大膽說出來
愛就是你
我倆一起
愛讓我們
形影不離
愛是自由，自由即愛
愛是生活，生活即愛
愛就是不能沒有愛
『愛上任何人』一文當中，更進一步做了一個實驗，討論如何把浪漫情懷屏除，進入一個人造完美的純粹單方向世界。(文中寫到：)「20多年前，心理學家亞瑟‧阿隆成功地使兩個陌生人在他的實驗室裡墜入愛河。去年夏天我將他的技術應用於自己的生活，我讓自己在午夜站在一座橋上，凝視著一個男人的眼睛四分鐘。」
研究內容是：異性戀男女通過分別不同的門進入實驗室。他們面對面坐著，回答一系列越來越私密的問題。然後他們靜靜地凝視對方的眼睛四分鐘。最誘人的細節在於:六個月後，其中兩位實驗對象結婚了。他們邀請整個實驗室的人參加他們的婚禮。
(這位幸運的男實驗者說：)「你可能想知道我和他是否真的『愛上』了：答案是肯定的。…愛沒有『發生』在我們身上。我們之所以『相愛』是因為我們選擇『相愛』。」無可諱言的，這是人為操作的愛情，而接受這種方式來『炮製愛情』的人，必須承擔長期的後果。話雖如此，傳統上無數的包辦婚姻，都是非常成功的。這在西方文化中也是如此，在歷史上，離婚者被社會嚴重污名化，而像台灣這樣的一流先進國家不存在這樣的問題。然而拿我來說，我仍然選擇機會(自由戀愛)。
莫測高深的傑出哲學家暨神祕主義者Ram Dass(b . 1931)認為：真愛沒有理由，不需條件。你不需要做任何事來贏取它。你的缺點、你的自卑、你的殘缺或社經地位的低下，通通都不重要。沒有人能奪走這種愛，它將永遠長存。
本週的精神之旅，請思考己身之於宇宙應以何存。
每天都要找出生命中神奇、美麗的事物！
Our society is awash with this continuously promoted idea of “love.” This concept, however, is extremely sexualized: the ethereal concept of pure love [religious or courtly love] effortlessly blended into physical love. The marketing sages have filled our lives with concepts that literally did not exist a century ago. Standards of modesty and propriety have been dismissed as ridiculous and “old-fashioned.” I teach many young women. My overall impression is that they have more concerns about life, today, than my mother’s generation.
For those 19th and 20th century women, life was relatively straightforward. Meet a decent man of your social class, have a family and build a future. Their individuality was shrouded until their family had “left the nest,” but few sought to complain. I am sure, though, that many suffered, spiritually and intellectually, and awaited a time when they would be free from the constant regime of cooking and cleaning. This younger generation of young women, albeit modern, has been placed in the unenviable position of being a wage-slave and, at the same time, an object of desire that must constantly be seductive and alluring in an attempt to “trap” a wage-slave partner and build a consumptive life. An increasing amount of these individuals want a different life, a freer life, a more meaningful life. They want a “real” relationship with another Thou, to quote Martin Buber: only time will tell if this can be achieved. I believe that John Lennon has aptly described the desire of this epoch of young women:
Love is real, real is love
Love is feeling, feeling love
Love is wanting to be loved
Love is touch, touch is love
Love is reaching, reaching love
Love is asking to be loved
Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
We can be
Love is free, free is love
Love is living, living love
Love is needing to be loved (1)
On a more serious note, the article To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This, discusses how to dismiss spontaneous romance and enter a One Directionesque world of created perfection. More than 20 years ago, the psychologist Arthur Aron succeeded in making two strangers fall in love in his laboratory. Last summer I applied his technique to my own life, which is how I found myself standing on a bridge at midnight, staring into a man’s eyes for exactly four minutes.
The study: A heterosexual man and woman enter the lab through separate doors. They sit face to face and answer a series of increasingly personal questions. Then they stare silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The most tantalizing detail: Six months later, two participants were married. They invited the entire lab to the ceremony.
“You’re probably wondering if he and I fell in love: well we did. … Love didn’t happen to us. We’re in love because we each made the choice to be (in love).” This, of course, is contrived love and the acceptors of this kind of concocted situation must bear the long-term consequences of the results. That being said, numerous arranged marriages have, traditionally, been very successful. This is also true in Western culture wherein, historically, those who divorced suffered serious social opprobrium. Today, these situations would not be accepted in first- world nations, like Taiwan. I, for one, still opt for chance.”
The enigmatic and brilliant philosopher and mystic Ram Dass (b. 1931) leaves us with a thought: You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success – none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here.
This week on your spiritual walk, please ponder your place in the universe.
Every day look for something magical and beautiful.
Quote: Make your life an intriguing mosaic of reality and potentiality: never be afraid of change, failure or success. All situations will offer their own complexities to be overcome.
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