The other day, as I was driving down one of Taichung’s busy streets (carefully minding my own business, as the pundits like to say), a woman “appeared out of nowhere, driving like mad.” She drove across her red light as I was going through my green: you know the result! I struck her and we both tumbled to the ground. I have had, some would say, fortunately, very little exposure to the Taiwanese emergency services, and they are truly excellent. It was like a bad drama. As I began to strike the side of the woman’s vehicle, everything entered the twilight zone. (1) My reality slowed down: my body shuddering in apprehension as it was thrown to the ground. Then the fog slowly began to clear: I couldn’t move: pain radiated down my neck, shoulders and chest. “Gosh,” I thought to myself, “this is not good.”
Within what appeared to be seconds, an ambulance attendant was beside me. He slowly propped me up and put a brace on my shoulder and arm. “Sir,” the man began rather pedantically, “I think that you have broken your collarbone.” Now, physically this is one of your worst nightmares — the breakage of the bone linking the scapula and the sternum – ouch and ouch again. In my case, I have an extremely busy schedule (as do most of us) and I am soon going abroad for Christmas. I don’t have time for the attendant pain, rehabilitation and schedule delays. At that moment, I had no choice; I was strapped into a gurney and shuttled off to the closest hospital. I was wheeled into a ward and touched and probed for a lengthy period of time — all this devoid of painkillers until a diagnosis could be drawn, I might add. Finally an X-ray: I was soon facing a very efficient young doctor. The prognosis: I waited with bated breath. (2) The result: bruising and trauma, but no break – hallelujah! Now, to say the least, I was “put off!” I felt the aggrieved party. The damage to my clothing and scooter were financially inconsequential. Recourse through insurance and the courts would just cost more expensive time; you have a limited amount to spend, especially at sixty. Your compensation would not be commensurate with your expenditure: “Poor me,” I thought, “How unfair!” I retained this notion for the next several days. Then, on my way to Wen-hua High School, I stopped at a light. A young woman drove past me in a motorized wheelchair: her skin sallow, her form stooped. She was not old and obviously very sick. A wave of humility came over me: I was healthy and busy, with a slightly bruised body. In a word gratitude: I felt that I had been spared great trauma “to continue my mission.” Others had not been so fortunate.
I thus come to a question. Why are so many human beings devoid of gratitude for their gift of life? Why are many people so willing to throw this gift away on frivolous things, things that have no enduring meaning? It is a curious question that has no simple answer. The beginning of any real understanding of the self begins with that inner journey: the quest to uncover a person’s meaning to life, a person’s purpose or mission. Now, there are many when asked the question, “What do you want to do with your life?” answer simplistically. “I just want to be happy.” Sadly, this is a nonsensical answer. Everyone wants to be happy. This is unless they are misanthropic or deranged. Happiness and peace are, however, innate. We do not have to search for them. They are within us. They are not so easily exposed, unfortunately. It is only through effort that expertise and proficiency are achieved. Gurgling, “I just want to be happy” or even better, “I want to be rich,” are immature pronouncements without any understanding of how much work is required to achieve and, finally, uncover these states.
But, personal success resides with us all. It is the classic dilemma: if we act or do not act, we have still acted. If I am not prepared for a test and write it anyhow, I will still get some score (I had a professor who used to give you 20% for just writing your name). If I decide to not come to the exam room at all, I am guaranteed to get 0%. In either situation, you have acted. “The great tragedy of human beings is that many are afraid to act. To eliminate excuses from our lives we must first look at eliminating all traces of fear. Fear traps and locks us away within our comfort zone. Yet fear often develops as a result of a lack of understanding, information, resources, experience or perspective. If you lack all these things, you will naturally lack confidence, and as a result, you will fail to take the action necessary to achieve your goals and objectives. Consequently, you will tend to make excuses about your life and circumstances in order to help boost your self-esteem. However, all you’re doing is creating the illusion of security. You’re simply masking the pain by taking a pain killer. The pain is still there and will continue to persist until you finally overcome your fears. Living a life of excuses can have very serious and lasting consequences. Not only will excuses prevent you from reaching your full potential, but they will also hold you back from recognizing opportunities, talents and skills you might have, to help you overcome your problems. If you don’t challenge yourself to reach new heights, you will never really know what you’re capable of. New opportunities lie hidden around every corner, however, you will never find them if you riddle your mind with constantly finding reasons to make excuses.”(3) To change a behavioral pattern is not an easy thing. First you must be aware that you are flippantly spending your invaluable time; second, you must want to change and third, you must have a “plan of action.” We often hear, “I can’t change!” I do not believe this. I know what I know: I quit smoking and changed my lifestyle after twenty years. I suffered tremendously, but I changed: all is possible with will (and perhaps professional help). The great poet and philosopher W.H. Auden (1907-1973) leaves us with a thought:
We would rather be ruined than changed,
We would rather die in our dread
Than climb the cross of the moment And let our illusions die.
A closing thought: The other day, I was stopped at a traffic light. To my right was a small park: it was filled to overflowing with a clutch of tiny birds all twittering and chirping gaily. They were totally unaware of my presence: I was inconsequential. I clapped my hands and, not sure if there was danger afoot, they fluttered to a higher bush. Such is the power of action, even if benign.
A small joke: A brother and a sister were only a year apart. They attended the same class in a small rural school. One day, the teacher decided to ask them to write a composition on their family life and focus it on a pet: a dog or a cat. The adolescents had a dog at home. They presented their essays on Monday. That evening the teacher checked their writings. The next day she called them to her desk, “Mary, John: why have you written the identical essay?” she queried “We have the same dog, miss,” came their wide-eyed response.
This week, please discover your cure for procrastination
Every day look for something magical and beautiful.
Quote: Life mirrors a large white room filled with a multitude of white, hidden doors. If you keep knocking on the wall, a door is bound to open. It will lead you somewhere else with a new set of doors. The adventure of life is pushed by inquisitiveness.
Footnotes
1 The Twilight Zone : Here the reference is to a period of strangeness well displayed in this miniseries.
2) The earliest known citation of this phrase is from Merchant of Venice, written in 1596 by William Shakespeare (1564-1616). “Shall I bend low and in a bondman’s key,
With bated breath and whispering humbleness, Say this;”
3) Are You Living a Life of Endless Excuses? Here’s How to Stop!