Hope

Gratitude: sometimes I should get down and “just kiss the ground.”

I recently read an article on gratitude that really gave me pause: Like all of us, I live a busy life. At times, it seems that all the tasks related to my existence cannot be fulfilled: school, work, family, and friends all press their demands. It is easy to forget that we live in a first-world country that provides personal safety, and spiritual and financial opportunities; I do get blinded by the “daily grind.” The article, Nine Essential Reasons to Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude, (1) gives us reasons to feel the joy of being alive. It posits, “Do you want to live life to the fullest? Then one important thing you should do is cultivate an attitude of gratitude. What this means is that you should choose to view life in a positive way. Things might not happen your way, but you still choose to view them in a positive light. For instance, you speak positive words instead of negative ones.” What I enjoyed about the piece is that it is not naïve. It gives us a way to frame how we see life. “Far from being delusional or faith-based, having a positive outlook in difficult circumstances is not only an important predictor of resilience — how quickly people recover from adversity — but it is ‘the’ most important predictor of it. People who are resilient tend to be more positive and optimistic compared to less-resilient folks; they are better able to regulate their emotions, and they are able to maintain their optimism through the most trying circumstances.” This is what Dr. Dennis Charney, the dean of Mount Sinai School of Medicine, found when he examined approximately 750 Vietnam War veterans who were held as prisoners of war for six to eight years. Tortured and kept in solitary confinement, these 750 men were remarkably resilient. Unlike many fellow veterans, they did not develop depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after their release, even though they endured extreme stress. What was their secret? After extensive interviews and tests, Dr. Charney noted ten characteristics that set them apart. The top one was optimism. The second was altruism. Humor and having a meaning in life — or something to live for — were also important. (2) I think that one of the major ways to feel this optimism is to create a nurturing environment. One example: we leave birdseed on our balcony. Our avian friends arrive at around 5 o’clock each morning; their soft cooing and chirping beckons the newfound day. It is impossible to feel frustrated and angry when your morning begins this way. Their arrival is a bellwether of what is to come: another magnificent day.

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Time

Time is on my side: yes it is. But is it?

Do you ever just get “put off?” I do sometimes. Something sweeps over me — some hidden memory and the like — and there I am: in a state of funk. I remind myself, “It is another day of magnificent consciousness,” and yet I am still angry and I don’t know why? Perhaps it is my age (I’m 61); perhaps it is my sex (I’m a man); but perhaps it is because I know that my life is 100% my responsibility (and at this moment, I don’t want this burden): Ah yes, the answer. I want to delude myself. The way I have wasted my time is someone else’s fault. I don’t accept that responsibility. Today, I want to a Pharaoh of old, served by beautiful nymphs and attended to by obeisant servants: sorry guy, wrong epoch! There is, unfortunately, no excuse; you are on your own. Your time, to sound facile, is your time.

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The Journey

I just wanted to say goodbye.

Our theme of “don’t be a wage slave” (DBAWageslave.com) is predicated on undertaking a deep study of who you are as a human being — that beautiful you! To this end, I have tried to be open about my life journey, neither to instruct nor to lecture, but to give an example of “a life.” I recently had my sixty-first birthday. It was a seminal moment, not because of the time, but due to what occurred during this period. I believe in phases: in my estimation, we have three of them. The first is from when you are born until you turn thirty: you are finishing your formal education, perhaps starting a family and embarking on a career. From thirty-one to sixty, you are developing your profession; hopefully making some money and watching your children grow up and begin their own lives. The third phase, from sixty-one onward, is when – to paraphrase Todd Henry – you learn to die empty. “Passion has its roots in the Latin word pati, which means ‘to suffer or endure.’ Therefore, at the root of passion is suffering. This is a far cry from the way we casually toss around the word in our day-to-day conversations. Instead of asking ‘What would bring me enjoyment?’ which is how many people think about following their passion, we should instead ask ‘What work am I willing to suffer for today?’ Great work requires suffering for something beyond yourself. It’s created when you bend your life around a mission and spend yourself on something you deem worthy of your best effort. What is your worthwhile cause?” (1) At sixty-one, I have come to “truly know that I know nothing” because there is so much to learn — the lake of knowledge being immense and, of course, endless.

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My Mission

I must pay attention to the world.

The other day it rained: the heavens opened. As soon as the tumult ended, this new sound began: wheels grating on asphalt. Back and then far, far in the distance, forth — and then again: back and back and back – and forth. What was this? I left my office chair and proceeded to investigate. Here were two children, a brother and a sister, I suppose, pushing a skateboard around our small block. What struck me as so remarkable was their intensity and fervor. It was as if they were in the Olympic tryouts for push-skateboarding (it is a new sport, you know). I particularly took note of their diligence. There seemed to be no diminution in their efforts: each time, whether brother or sister, they pushed with “all their heart,” all their might. Their game was, and is, a wonderful metaphor for life. “How often,” I asked myself, “do I give it 100%?” whatever that “it” is. The answer is, “not often enough.” The secret has to begin with acknowledging the present. Where am I? I am, obviously, right here: not yesterday, not tomorrow, but right now! In an extremely frenetic life, this is much easier to say than to do. How do I develop that intensity for the moment? How do I occupy that place where I can truly claim – “Always excellence: why not?” The path to develop this habit, I believe, has very humble roots. It begins with a “clover hunt” at least once a month.

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Hope

Hope or belief: the great dilemma for every being.

I hope I will get home “safe and sound tonight” (given the neuroses of our driving colleagues), but I believe that I will. I often read that there is little difference between these two words in English. “In many contexts, including some religious contexts, faith (hope) is the same as trust (belief). In some religious contexts, hope can be a “comfortable” word of no coherent meaning, it can refer to belief without evidence, for example, but also without any particular social or moral reason; additionally, it can imply an extra phenomenon such as an inducement to action.” (1)

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The Journey

Have you ever had your “Hood” moment?

Your sensations are overwhelmed; you are totally and completely defeated — you feel adrift: now what to do? All of us can identify with this. An event has just occurred that will change the course of your life. You must “deal with it” and, at the same time, make the right choices! I always look to history for guidance. As the summer approaches, I am pulled back to that momentous event in Western history: World War Two. It was an unfortunate war for the British Empire. Having overspent on the building of grandiose and expensive infrastructure projects and a crippling war, (1) she was ill prepared for more conflict, and thus more cost. But, in September 1939, war began once again and by the summer of 1940, defeat following defeat, she was “on her knees.” Nothing could get worse! Britain, traditionally, has always believed in the Navy as its bulwark against all calamities.

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Work

The seven deadly sins: which one have you experienced? (1)

The other day, I stumbled across a video clip of the hot dog eating competition at Nathan’s on Coney Island, New York. (2) Disgusting would be an understatement. Now I am not a conservative when it comes to extreme events. I am as titillated as the next person when I watch someone jump out of an airplane without a parachute and fall into an enormous (Chinese—made) net, and survive. (3) But, the food thing, I just don’t get. As parents, we plead with our children to develop their table manners as quickly as possible. I come from a generation that determined your social class, and therefore your business or matrimonial acceptability, by how you held your knife and fork. What is this sort of nonsense saying to our young people? When upwards of 30% of Americans are obese: (4) what is the possible message: gluttony is cool? This acceptance of the base and obscene is not the correct way, I feel. Why not hold ourselves to a higher standard of taste and quality? We do not have to be pompous and condescending, but surely there is a social level, a litmus test of decency, that must exist, or am I just too extreme and old fashioned? I don’t think so. If we do not want to be wage slaves, we must affect some style, some poise.

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Branding

Always excellence: why not?

I have the great honor of teaching across the socio-economic spectrum — from the very rich to the more economically humble. To this end, I have been inside many, many homes. People are, in the main, tidy and well organized in their domestic life. Some individuals have great style having traveled to the far corners of the globe and others are more modest. Everyone wants decency and warmth in their private life. What I remarked on the other day, however, gave me pause?

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Hope

I want to live an ethical life and be true to my aspirations.

Our society is awash with moral judgments. The media is rife with pronouncements, both good and bad (though usually bad), of this political event, that celebrity or movie star and a further distant occurrence. We, fortunately, don’t have to think because we are being given the thought — though think we must, if we truly want to be free: but, wait, I am free. I am told, in virtually all democratic countries, that I am free because I live in a democracy: I am free, aren’t I? “Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past. … In the end the Party would announce that two and two made five and you would have to believe it. It was inevitable that they should make that claim sooner or later: the logic of their position demanded it. Not merely the validity of experience, but the very existence of external reality was tacitly denied by their philosophy. … And when memory failed and written records were falsified—when that happened, the claim of the Party to have improved the conditions of human life had got to be accepted, because there did not exist, and never again could exist, any standard against which it could be tested.” (1) These oft-used quotes from George Orwell are there to remind us that deep thinking itself is not innate. Critical thinking is a skill that must be nurtured and enhanced. It does not come to us naturally. We have to, therefore, make our own moral assessment of how we want to live our life.

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The Journey

Failure and forgiveness: can we truly forgive?

We live in a world that lauds action but seems unwilling to truly accept its consequences. “Action and inaction are both actions” is an unacceptable mantra in the post-Millennial age. (1) Are we prepared to be responsible, accept failure in ourselves and others, and then forgive or ask for forgiveness? “You are the people of God; He loved you and chose you for His own. So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you.” Colossians 3:12-13. (2) I believe that basic morality is innate and should, therefore, give us the tools that are necessary to answer the aforementioned question in the affirmative. Error and failure certainly produce a certain level of guilt. But, many seemingly refuse to accept responsibility for life: why? That said, few people would fail to take umbrage at the notion of stealing or more serious social transgressions. We all understand the concept of the Ten Commandments. There is, however, an elasticity associated with certain forms of behavior: I am speaking of being responsible for one’s actions. To truly forgive yourself, you must first accept your own mistakes: my life is my fault.

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To be free, spiritually, emotionally and financially is your birthright.