Age is an extremely interesting phenomenon. Like so much of history, you can talk about it, visit its sites of trauma and battles, but never truly experience it: you just weren’t there. So it is with time. You can hear its descriptions and attempt to create its images, but this is mostly nonsensical until you live through it. When I was young, the aged were distant and surreal. They appeared oddly out of place in a world filled with beautiful things. This included my grandparents.
In a time when a lack of ceremony was slowly showing its head at most, non-holiday, family dinners, my grandfather always dressed formally. Thus a meal with him was a study in proper etiquette and the correct usage of cutlery. He had been a sea captain and was used to a sense of discipline and order, one could say a severe sense. I always remember his command of the world. Things were extremely simple: either you were an individual who gave orders or you were one who received them. The rest of humanity was inconsequential. The “free spirit” who ran away to Europe to paint was not in his lexicon. He imparted this world view to the automobile, as well. A car was to be controlled and directed, not driven. He drove with the speed of a battleship caught in a violent storm: “Fasten the hatches and full speed ahead.” It is to be remembered that the vehicles of this era were huge in comparison to our modern age. This, of course was an epoch that also distrusted seatbelts: they could kill you. How could you possibly escape from an overturned car if you were wearing one? I always imagined his wife being catapulted out of the car right up to the stars: such is the level of adolescent imagination.
My grandmother was a diminutive woman who controlled my grandfather in an extremely effective way: he loved and idolized her. She therefore wielded enormous control over her household of 13 children, which included my father. As I became older, I began to respect my grandfather more and more. He said to me just before he died, “Remember Leon, the world always respects a strong man.” For years, I naively thought he was talking about weight training to build your muscles. In the end, I discovered that he was talking about something for more difficult: the achievement of personal power.
Now that I find myself approaching 60, I am more than a little surprised at how well it has all worked out. Firstly, I don’t feel “old.” When is this disease called age supposed to begin? I suspect that the answer is “never.” You only become old when you finally acquiesce to the changes in your temple: the body. One would be foolish to claim that a 30-year-old body has the same physique as a 60-year-old one. That being said, there has not been a 100 percent change. More remarkably, you do feel more knowledgeable in the world and of the world. This leads to the rather startling discovery that you truly know nothing, relative to the corpus of human understanding: this realization is terrifying and yet freeing. You can now swim in the endless lake of knowledge without fear of failure, total enlightenment being only given to Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed or other gifted souls. Your task now is to be a synthesizer: to take as much as you can from the world and turn it into a gentler, kinder message. I teach many, many young people. They are filled with energy and excitement. All they need is some compassion and a slight nudge in the direction of their future. And, they must be continuously reminded, whatever the age, to spend their time well. The great actress Goldie Hawn (b.) leaves us with a thought: What helps with aging is serious cognition — thinking and understanding. You have to truly grasp that everybody ages. Everybody dies. There is no turning back the clock. So the question in life becomes: What are you going to do while you’re here?
A small joke: A young boy asked his mother, “Are you a good and kind caregiver?” I believe that I am,” she replied. “Then why do you put me to bed when I am not tired and wake me up when I am?”
This week, please reflect on how you see age and its joys and complications.
Every day look for something magical and beautiful.
Quote: It is only the fool that fights the natural process of all life. Our obligation is to keep our body (our temple), clean, healthy and existing in a positive state of mind.