Narcissism. What a topic. One of my young students was relating to me the other day how she was on the MRT, on the train going somewhere, and she was tired. And the train was rather full, and she’d found a seat, and she was sitting down. And then the doors opened and a group of older women, two or three older women got on the train.
And one of the older women asked if she would mind giving up her seat, and she refused. Now that wasn’t the stunning story. The stunning story was her explanation. She said to me, why should she give up her seat? Because she was tired.
She had been shopping all day and she was laden with packages. And the old women, the group of women, they didn’t have any packages, so why couldn’t they stand up? And eventually, I guess, you know, a seat was found and the old woman or the old women did sit down. Stunning. Gosh.
I mean, in my life, this would be truly unheard of. I actually had a funny incidence one day as an aside. I was on the train and a young woman actually sat up and offered me her seat. And I said, thank you very much. I wanna stand.
And she said, no. No, sir. Please sit down. And I said, no. Thank you.
I want to stand. And she was quite offended that I wouldn’t take her seat. And my friend said to me that I was actually rude. I should have sat down, but I believe if I sit down, I’m eventually going to be old and I’m not old yet. Even though my body is old, my mind is extremely young.
So the phones are making us, I think, vain to put it mildly because when I look at my phone, I am a superstar. The phone focuses me and my social media etcetera. You know, we’ve seen the pictures in the restaurants and everything else. People taking selfies continuously. I am special.
But if we begin to focus on the me, and yes, I know. I have often said there is no one like me. There never has been and there never will be. I believe this very strongly. But if I believe that the world is about me and not about we, we are going to have problems in the future.
And a teacher was telling me the other day that her husband’s class at university in the class, the students wouldn’t take a group picture because they didn’t know each other well enough to take a group picture upon graduation. So it’s just about me. And you can ask people, did you make your bed this morning? And they look, are you insane? Why would I make my bed?
My mom can make my bed or someone else can make my bed. No hardship at all which has got to be a trait of being a narcissist. Absolutely. Has to be without any question at all. So what is narcissism?
What is it? Well, essentially, it’s obviously a personality disorder. And what are its traits? Well, first of all, you have this you think you’re special, but not just special. You have an enormous sense of self importance.
I worked with a woman once. You’re getting prepared for that. Presentations brought a thousand students, a lot of kids. My god. And she pulls out this mirror and she starts to tussle her hair, look at her makeup.
And I thought, well, this is kinda normal. Maybe I should do the same. But then five minutes later, the mirror came up again, and this went on. Every five minutes, she was be prepping herself, looking at her face in this mirror. Terrifying.
You know, because she was living in the external self, not in the internal self. So a grandiose sense of importance for sure. Admiration, you wanna hear it or you give it to yourself. And you’re sneaky a little bit because you need people to say, wow, baby. You’re so special.
You really don’t care for others. No empathy for sure. And I think the most important of all, which is the one that’s the tragic really in a way, is this sense of superiority. You know, I am really unique. And then when you get out in the real world that you get your first job, people think, my gosh, you’re not special at all.
Not at all. And that crushes you. And I think then the great deal of sickness will soon come your way because you will be just heartbroken that nobody thinks you’re special. So what happens if you retain this type of sickness over time? If you don’t become more humble?
Well, I think the very first thing that has to happen is that, you know, people are pretty smart. And if you’re this kind of person, you’re not going to develop genuine relationships. Impossible. So you’re not really going to have a deep loving relationship with a girl or a boy. Right?
Good friends that you retain for many, many years because you’ll only be focused on you. Your lack of generosity will be stunning. You cannot accept personal criticism, which means, of course, that you will never grow because the only way you grow is when people tell you things and then you’re able to look at yourself. Right? And you then I think will become more and more isolated.
I think many of the people living on the streets are narcissists. I really believe this, you know, because they’re so focused on being the victim that they can’t get out of this loop. You’ll always ultimately be afraid. You’ll always be concerned. And then over time, because you won’t have these relationships, you’ll be estranged.
You know, workplace conflicts. Your reputation will be damaged because people will think you’re foolish, and it will just go on and on and on. So what am I to do? Well, I think the very first thing a person has to do in this modern world is you have to realize that ultimately, I must contribute. I must give to the common good.
And yes, I want my body to be beautiful. And, yes, I want my mind to be strong. And, yes, I want to be a special human being, but everyone is a little bit like me. Right? The common ethos must exist for sure.
And then if I do that, then I can begin to realize that all the games that I’m playing with myself are being played by everyone else. So we can’t be unique. Now give you an example of this. 98% of people at the moment, children, young people, students at the moment in a country like Taiwan go to university. 98% which means, which suggests that everyone is qualified to go to university.
And you know this is not true. I know this is not true because I meet a lot of people and so do you. And a lot of people are not that smart. They’re just not. They’re not all 100% people.
Many of them are lazy. Many of them don’t want to achieve no ambition, etcetera, etcetera. So how can those individuals go to university? Because the whole society is saying, well, we’re all narcissists in a certain sense. So everybody could go and everybody could be equal, and it’s just not true.
You know? And then you start to see when you see social media, everyone is somehow unique and all of this stuff on TikTok and everywhere else. My god. We’re not that special. We’re not.
Yes. There are people that are special and are fantastic, but many are just not. And those are the people I think that have to work on the self. The major point here is that when I’m born, I’m given a set of gifts, obviously, but then I have to nurture those gifts. They’re like seeds that I put in the garden.
They’re not fully grown. It’s impossible, and narcissism convinces me that I’m already mature. There’s nothing to grow. I don’t have to develop. I am special.
No. You’re not. No. You’re not. You’re not.
And if you were so special, 50% of marriages would not fail. And people, when they’re old, would not be bitter, but most are. They’re angry, frustrated, you know, lost human beings by the time they leave this place. Why? Because they haven’t spent the time to grow.
So stand back from yourself and realize that you’re special only after you finish your mission. You get down to work. So the next time someone shakes your hand, stand up. If you’re a young person and there’s an old person, offer your seat on the train or the bus or god knows where it is. Open the door.
Let the old person go first. Be different. Keep away from narcissism. It is fatal. And yes, you are special.
There is no one like you. There never has been and there never will be, but you must develop the self. You must. You have no choice. Otherwise, you will just be closed and you can fool yourself, but ultimately, the society will know.
And you know what they say. You know what they say. If you don’t wanna be a narcissist and you wanna be a special human being, think about critical thinking because critical thinking will assist you in discovering the real you and critical thinking is great, truly great. You take care. God bless. Bye bye.