I awaken early to prepare for my departure. Nothing is ready! This should produce an angst-ridden panic. There is, however, little to assemble – the sojourn to the wedding being so short. My mind begins to wander. What does it take to find your chosen other? What is it — the incomprehensible cosmos, pure unbridled luck or the facility of the Internet? Wait, it is obviously the romantic in me! It should be real, and yet practical, love. Any, initially intense, relationship that endures must be based on this particular emotion. I am convinced that this is the truth. Now to be fair, there are many forms of marriage – some opportunistic, some arranged, some cerebral and, of course, some physical.
The enduring concept that keeps people together long after the “fairy tale love,” (1) if you will, has gone, is the concept of 1+1=3: pure love. What I mean by this is that two individuals together produce a third concept. This is the relationship itself. If in the first ten years of legal togetherness, a real being is formed that is separate from the two individuals, the relationship will endure. Odd as it may sound, for those of us who have had a business, it is certainly comprehensible. We fall in love with our company, how she reacts to certain situations, how she smells when you enter the home (office), how she must be nurtured, etc.
May I explain? This relationship, the firm, has two equal partners. Inside is the meaning of the entity – how it defines itself – the home, the children, the money, its association to people, other family members, etc. It is unique from the two people themselves: if it is special and valuable to either or, hopefully, to both parties, it will fix its quarrels and “push on” into various phases. If not, it dies! Intrinsic to all of this is a little style, a little panache! I try to be an intense observer of life and of people. One of my greatest realizations is that most of us do not “get better” as we get older. It is seemingly “a race to the bottom” for most people. We not only lose our physical attractiveness, many people, over time, are also not intellectually alluring, either. We become boring, to ourselves and to others.
This is where imagination must “rear its head.” The other day in one of our classes, a woman brought her young daughter with her. I remarked that children have not yet learned the “social correctness” that we all develop. They are not naturally deferent and polite. They are imaginative and inquisitive and, most importantly of all, they are not afraid to ask questions – even ridiculous ones. This is the true meaning of the “inner child,” curiosity! I intend to never be without this facility. But it is something I must practice on a daily basis, however. After twenty, it is no longer spontaneous, this I am convinced. Life is one enormous departure from the beginning to the end, it is nice to do your best, “to give it your all,” along the way.
The great statesman, Winston Churchill (1874-1965), leaves us with a thought: A man does what he must do – in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures – and that is the basis of all human morality.
A closing thought: I always ask my students in regards to an examination, “Did you do your best?” Then, if the answer is yes, you have no reason for self-recrimination or guilt. If you have failed, it is a systems problem. You must discover where your knowledge is lacking and improve it. This is a simple truism in life. We need to only apply it to the self to live that life of striving and self-improvement we all desire, or at least could. I believe that most of us simply succumb to ennui and fatigue during life’s journey. To be aware that this is the beast continually lurking in the background goes a long way in overcoming and defeating him.
To sum up: This week, we spoke about life’s departure and how marriage and relationships form a major part of this journey.
To be noted: The bags under my eyes are Gucci.
Just for fun –Vladimir Martynov
For reflection:
Is the world getting better or worse? A look at the numbers
This week on your personal stride, please reflect on how you too can be in charge of your expression, your personal brand.
Every day look for something magical and beautiful
Quote: I must define me. If I don’t, that void will be filled by others for me.
Footnotes: