The unmoved mover

Since I was a little boy, I always have embraced change. Perhaps embrace is the incorrect word. If I were truthful, I would say fear. I deeply fear change, but, in each occurrence, I am motivated by the opportunity to overcome my apprehension. We all know I believe, that change produces a result – not necessarily positive or tragically negative, it simply moves us further down the path of time. We all identify the motivators: the relocation of home, the collapse of a relationship or the commencement of the school year, to name but a few.

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I feel overwhelmed!

What they don’t tell you at “life school” is that, though we may all look unique and have different personalities and charming idiosyncrasies, we are all basically the same in our humanity: we suffer. We feel the pain of being alive, though “I am free to be me,” whatever that means. This realization comes upon the average person at twenty or so much like a hurricane. Its overwhelming power virtually knocks us down and emotionally cripples us. It is painfully common that this awareness coincides with the time when the majority are the most perplexed – the most confused. We are attending a university that we are, secretly, not totally enraptured with; taking a popular subject that, to us, appears verbose and overstated (international trade or business management, anyone?), and dating the boy or the girl who is just perfect for us, at least according to our parents and friends. Ostensibly life is great: then, “Why am I so unhappy, why do I feel so unfulfilled?” The answer, of course, is that you have not discovered your “true calling.” The pundit would respond, “So what: life is hard, get on with it!” I agree with the clarion call to action: get on with it! You must act, you must choose, you must engage. That being true, your eyes must still be aware of the possibilities in life. They are multitudinous.

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The shock and awe of employment

So it begins: the deep struggle to understand who I am and where I want to go in my life. Previously written narratives offer many examples to guide us forward. We are all familiar, I am sure, with Kafka’s Metamorphosis. (1) Gregor, the protagonist of the story, wakes up one morning only to find himself transformed into a giant cockroach: he is no longer a man. His boss is soon at his door demanding to know why he is not at work. Upon catching sight of him, he flees in terror. Gregor is thus forced to deal with his new reality. Due to his transformation into a bug, he hides in his room and is no longer able to provide an income. Financially, this deeply affects his family causing a collapse in their social standing. They are forced to take in boarders to help defray the costs of living. One day the tenants catch sight of him. They threaten to move out because of the filth and squalor associated with insects. This is just too much! Even Gregor’s formally supportive sister, Grete, decides that he is too changed to ever be a part of their family. She sadly concludes that it is better if he dies. He overhears her conversation with their parents. Broken-hearted, he returns to his room and, subsequently that evening, does die. This produces immense relief to the family and their life begins anew.

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The serendipity at being given my body

I always feel such extraordinary luck when I find myself in an airport holding area waiting to get on a plane. This took many months of planning: the complicated ticket; the saving of the necessary funds to travel with; the requisite visas and sundry documentation — all to produce this state of readiness. It is a common experience, I am sure. You are going on your own Grand Tour. (1) All of your efforts have brought you to this moment. It is similar to going on stage. You are being held in the Green Room (2) prior to your performance. The astute observer is there long enough to be able to look at some of the other acts. There are the comedians giggling nervously; the impresarios, pretending to be people they are not; the rock and roll stars with their earpieces glued to their heads, listening to their newest releases and, the most unfortunate, the enormous souls pacing back and forth, liked caged circus animals. They should be restricted to oversized planes — sizes L and above. Then it begins — First Class is summoned. In most cases, this is an oxymoron: they are neither first nor seem to have any class. They bumble into line with confused, poorly-displayed wealth. Much like one major world leader who can’t tie a tie — it is either too short or too long. In Western culture, we call it new money: wealth without tradition and style.

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The time traveler

You are stunned by the silence! I recently stayed at my friend’s estate in southern Poland outside of Krakow. (1) My first morning, I awoke at 5 AM facing a blazing morning sunshine and literally “bolted out of bed”: peace and quiet – no cars, no voices, no movement – shocking! For anyone who has lived anywhere, you could not help but be shaken by the stillness that pervaded everything – even the birds seemed to be “on pause.” I honestly felt naked and exposed – so frail, such another piece of humanity. I had to face my own thoughts without interference. They were, therefore, pure and unsullied. I returned to the “age-old question”: “What was the first thing I knew this morning upon opening my eyes?” The answer: “I am alive?” Its compatriot: “How do I know it is me?” “I have my memories from yesterday.” Now to get to work: I am in the process of giving myself options.

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To be free, spiritually, emotionally and financially is your birthright.