The other day, I passed a truly good-looking woman who was exquisitely dressed, like Cinderella on her way to the ball. Her compatriot, perhaps her boyfriend, but more realistically her husband, was in a disheveled state and poorly dressed – to say the least. They were a couple, but with two obviously different views of the world. I would not claim to be an informal man, though I do have periods of informality; I do know how to dress correctly for the given occasion, however. That being said, my query is how two people could have such divergent views of the world? Is this not the most difficult thing in a relationship – any relationship – for that matter? Here you have two diametrically opposed images of life and of the planet. One has placed great value and importance on some celebration, and is dressing accordingly, while the other is dismissive and flippant: “This is who I am whether you like it or not.”
We are taught to accumulate in this life: people, things, relationships, money etc., but are we actually acquiring anything of value that is not ephemeral? I saw a sign recently, “How can I truly know what is going on?” What does this mean – in life – in love – in society: absolutely perplexing! The answer, of course, is “to frame” your own reality. An individual must realize that everything eternal to the self is adopted and thus created by me. “I can’t get a job!” “I can’t be rich.” I will never find a relationship.” These are all examples of me telling me, if you will, that I live inside a certain perception of existence. Certainly, everything is possible, I can get a job, I can be rich, I can find a relationship, but not without a huge amount of work (and not always – life is fickle, as you know). Every action requires a piece of your treasure: comprised of time itself. Time is the only gift that cannot be replaced – radically different than money, for example.
Perhaps the secret to all relationships is to “just let it go.” If a person dresses in a certain way and that does not affect your reality, do not give it value. This would have to be different for your own children and for your students if you have a moral or guiding role. The rest of the components that comprise human life are adults. They must make their own way in the world. If they are rejected because they look foolish at a given ceremony, they will learn for the next time. There is a belief that you cannot truly teach anyone. The self is your only real teacher. Another truism would be that love conquers all.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
The Buddha (1) leaves us with a thought: You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
A closing thought: I would like to touch on something sensitive to many people: suicide. We have recently been overwhelmed with a spate of deaths of well-known people, mostly through their own hands. I am not a psychologist nor a psychiatrist, but any reading or intellectual inquiry will tell you that a vast amount of people who commit suicide are not mentally ill. Then the question becomes: why? Why would you kill yourself, especially when you are at the “top of your game?” My take on this is rather simplistic: you are either crazy or you are lazy! (2)
If you have mental issues hopefully you can deal with this before tragedy befalls you. On the other side: lazy! Life is hard – it is not easy being the beautiful me who ever I am. It requires work and introspection on a continual basis. If an individual allows “the big five” (alcohol, drugs, sex, money and power) to corrupt their way of thinking to a state of boredom, “Why bother continuing?” then, it is simply their fault. We must remember that suicide is for the living because “the suicider,” if I may, is dead, “or not,” as is more correct. Thus, if you are famous and lazy and you want to kill yourself, go ahead! Just do it where nobody knows – jump off a mountain – drown yourself in an ocean. Don’t allow your ego in the final moments of life to thrust you into immortality. It doesn’t exist because you don’t exist. Don’t irreparably harm those who remain behind, especially the young, the impressionable and the inexperienced: it is just not fair, just not moral. Even in suicide have some respect for the living. (3)
To sum up: This week, we spoke about love and how it can teach us patience in all situations.
Just for fun–The Chainsmokers
A philosophical question: Why when you want to really help or influence someone do you often feel so powerless?
This week, on your quiet stroll, please ponder the impermanence and the magnificence of your life.
Every day look for something magical and beautiful.
Quote: A day is only as magnificent as I see it.
Footnotes:
3) My tone here, though aggressive, is to stimulate conversation.